Rats, the Piper, and Sleeping Children

Tonight I went to a 4th grade musical presentation of "The Pied Piper of Hamelin" starring my Nephew (he was a hit, by the way). I couldn't help but notice a few similarities to our current economic/political/moralistic crises. Let me recount the story for those who have forgotten:

1. A town is infested with rats. Townspeople freak out when their lifestyles are taken over by the adorable 4th grade rats wearing gray sweats. The town's political operatives decide that they must act now to rid the town of these vile creatures. Songs ensue.

2. The mayor is approached by a piper who claims he can rid the town of rats simply by playing his magical flute. Done deal. The mayor agrees to pay 1,000 of unidentifiable currency and the piper gets to work. Singing and dancing follow.

3. The rats follow the piper as promised, and the children play and sing. More songs.

4. The piper comes to collect, and the Mayor pays only 100 of the unidentifiable currency. (Definitely no pork spending there). Sad songs ensue.

5. The piper, in his ire, somehow makes the children sleep. (Creepy? Yes, but the 4th grader pulled it off without a "Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka" or "Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman" vibe).

6. The townspeople inexplicably complain that their children are vegetables, and the mayor finally pays the piper. Hence the adages "pay the piper" and "children shouldn't be vegetables." Songs and happy ending follow.

What can we learn from this elementary school play? Plenty.

First, let's look at the similarities to our culture.

For years, we have subscribed to the notion that our society is plagued with certain rats. Some rats were personal, some were collective. Here are a few examples of personal "rats"that needed to go:

• The horrible circumstance of owning a used vehicle
• The even more horrible circumstance of owning a used vehicle that couldn't qualify as a tank in the US Army
• The shame of living in a house that didn't have at least 3 spare rooms
• The stress of eating a home cooked meal
• Vacations that didn't include a passport or snorkel
• The stigma of not owning a boat, quad, Xbox 360, or Plasma TV

Most of these things weren't really rats at all; they were pleasant, clean mice who minded their own business and led lives with integrity and values. But we begged anyone who would listen to us to get rid of those rats! This is where the piper came in. Instead of a guy with a flute, this piper was a wallet full of credit cards, home equity lines of credit, 2nd mortgages, etc. He saved the day...we got new cars, we drove them more than we should, we bought new homes that were way too big, we ate out in record numbers, and swam with the dolphins in Maui. Life was good.

But the Piper was on his way to collect his check. Coincidentally, and out of nowhere (allegedly), the markets took a hit. Home values plummeted, stocks were devalued, and jobs were disappearing. When the Piper got to town, the mayor (our beloved federal government) started talking with words like "foreclosure" and "short-sale" to scare the piper into leaving. The mayor promised things like "stimulus" and "bail-outs" to buy more time. All the while, the mayor was out talking to more pipers (namely China and foreign bond traders) to try and get rid of more rats (or save them, in the case of Nancy Pelosi - see the salt marsh harvest mouse).

What a mess. It's time to pay the piper! Rather than pay what we owe, however, we have decided to hire more pipers and put off the inevitable. No one, especially our government, is willing to make the tough decisions that will lead us through a painful, yet necessary, market correction. Instead, we are only risking our children's future. I, for one, am not ready to see my children turned into slaves to our debt. If the play taught us anything, it's that our children should be free to laugh, sing, and play...or go to college, raise a family, and live in a free country that answers to no one.

Is there still room for a happy ending this time? I hope so. Those 4th graders deserve it.