Krĭspē Krēm

Self-discipline is so important. I wish I had more.

A few months ago, I started working out with 3 of my brothers in law. We gather together a couple of times a week and put ourselves through sheer torture for about an hour. Rope climbing, multiple 1/4 mile runs, medicine ball throwing, push-ups, pull-ups, more push-ups, and other forms of "training" await us every Monday and Thursday morning. I'm just waiting for the water-boarding...it's got to be coming soon.

At any rate, I feel like it is making a difference. Not enough for me to feel comfortable at the local pool, mind you, but it is helping a little. I feel like I can carry my screaming kids out of the grocery store or church much more easily now, given my newfound shoulder strength. If I could only eat better, I think I could safely enter the pool without upsetting stomachs.

Sounds simple enough, right? Just eat better. Late-night infomercials notwithstanding, I've tried just about everything. No carbs...yeah right. No sweets...beneficial, but really lonely. Slim-Fast Shakes...doesn't work when you drink two or three at a time. Smaller portions...ends up being two trips to the serving counter. Weight Watchers...too much math (I'm a writer, for heaven's sake, not a statistician).

I was in need of something simple, feasible, and productive. The instigator of our bro-in-law workouts, James, laid out nutrition advice during the first couple of workouts. He could see that we needed some help. He said that we should simply avoid eating anything we couldn't pronounce. Easy enough!

I could do this. All I needed to do was read a few labels, discard anything with monosodium glutamate, maltodextrin, or annatto color, and watch the pounds fall off. I even skipped the Cap'n Crunch the next morning in lieu of fresh fruit and oatmeal. I'd found the perfect weight loss plan with clear rules and a simple strategy.

The rules, however, are what led to the ultimate demise of the program. According the the letter of the law, I had no problem pronouncing milkshake, cheeseburger, brownie, or Krispy Kreme. Once I let justification in the door, it plopped itself on the couch, grabbed the remote, and was clearly here to stay.

As a result of my lack of discipline, I have no relief when it comes time to climb the rope or do some pull-ups. I'm pulling up myself and those dang Boston Creme doughnuts. I may be strong enough to remove my kids during a temper tantrum at church, but I'm apparently not yet strong enough to remove myself from the snares of junk food.

Don't worry, though, I might try the pronunciation rule again...this time in Japanese.