Free* Ice Cream

You know those "free" ice cream nights at Baskin Robbins? I know them. I know them a little too well.

Here's what inevitably happens:

- We see the advertisement in the newspaper offering free ice cream from 4-6 PM and think "what a great idea!"

- The kids get riled up with the promise of free ice cream.

- We load into the minivan and drive to the nearest Baskin Robbins (we pass at least 3 ice cream places on the way).

- We see a long line but decide to get out of the van anyway, thinking it will probably move quickly.

- We wait in line for 10 minutes. After changing 2 diapers we discover that we haven't moved at all.

- We decide that the wait is not worth it, and drive to one of the 3 ice cream places we passed on the way.

- If we do wait, we still end up losing: There's never any Peanut Butter 'n Chocolate left...we're stuck with Chocolate Chip, Rainbow Sherbet, or some other flavor that was popluar for a few years in the mid-80's...and the serving size is equivalent to the ketchup cups at McDonald's.

Nobody wins the "free ice cream" game.

Let's compare that to the current proposal regarding universal healthcare. I recently heard someone referencing a Glenn Beck piece about "free day" at the museum being a horrible situation. I think the ice cream analogy works even better.

What President Obama and Congress want is basically a "free ice cream" system. The plan is to insure every American, which sounds reasonable enough. The government will choose the "ice cream;" the taxpayers will foot the bill. Here's what I think will happen (note the similarities to our ice cream fiasco):

- At first glance, Americans will read about "reform" and think it sounds like a great idea.

- The 10% of Americans who don't have healthcare get all riled up at the idea of "big changes".

- Congress loads into a van (driven by a stern Nancy Pelosi who constantly shouts "don't make me come back there!") and drives the reform through the system.

- Initial national debt projections rear their ugly heads, but we keep going anyway, thinking the debt will "disappear" quickly.

Here's where we switch to the microcosmic view of the situation...

- Patients seeking medical care get in a long line (literally).

- After 4 hours in the waiting room, nobody has seemed to go in or out.

- The patient decides to go elsewhere for medical care...but that's impossible. There is nowhere else. The private medical community has given way to the single-payer system.

- The patient decides to wait it out.

- Finally, the patient's name is called.

- Instead of receiving top notch medical care, the patient gets 2 minutes in front of a frazzled, distant, English-as-a-second-language (not that there's anything wrong with that) doctor.

Nobody wins the single-payer healthcare game.

When it comes to ice cream, I want options: Cold Stone Creamery, Nielsen's Frozen Custard, Golden Spoon, Bahama Buck's, Dairy Queen, etc. There's nothing wrong with free ice cream. For some people, it's a great way to enjoy a summer night. But free ice cream every day would lead to bad, bland, less-than-mediocre flavors. It's free (allegedly) but there are no good choices.

With healthcare, I also want options. If I don't like a particular doctor, I'd like the chance to try someone else. There is already a "free ice cream" plan in place: Medicaid and Medicare. The people who can't afford healthcare have access to help. The only thing the new healthcare bill does is take away options from most Americans.

Is there a fringe group of working Americans who need a little help paying for the costs of healthcare? Absolutely. But a complete system overhaul isn't the answer. Vouchers, tax breaks, and other alternatives would solve that issue. Think of it as giving discount ice cream coupons for people to use however they wish. You choose the flavor, not the government.

The bottom line is that I don't want the government choosing my family's healthcare plan. I don't trust them to pick the best option -- If they choose for me, I know I'll end up with one scoop of Bubble Gum and one scoop of Pistachio. Disgusting...