HOA...er...U.N. General Assembly Meets in New York

I’m not really an HOA-type guy. I live in an HOA and see some of the benefits, but mostly I despise the idea. Don’t get me wrong…most of the people on the HOA board are hardworking neighbors who want what is best for our community (but some are merely trying to get payback for the high school student council election they lost).

Some of what the HOA does is good…we have a nice common area, a few swing sets, and a Fall Festival that we attend once a decade. We pay an off-duty police officer to patrol the neighborhood at night looking for mischievous teens and open garage doors. The rules in the CC&R’s may even prevent someone from painting their garage door orange. But that’s about the extent of the HOA’s usefulness.

Because it is the nature of men and women to exercise control when they receive a little bit of power, the HOA board often goes over-board. Here are some case studies:

We received a fine for allegedly having a few weeds in our yard past the “clemency” date. The details are not fit for a blog entry, but I did fight that battle and win. We have also received threatening letters telling us to park our tent trailer in the garage…when it had been out for a total of 5 hours in preparation for a trip. Are weeds and a trailer parked in the street against the rules? Technically, I guess.

But here’s the kicker: There are dozens of homes in our neighborhood who have obnoxious lawn ornaments, Goodwill donations sitting in their side yard for weeks at a time (you know who you are, HOA President…), and weeds that would engulf a medium-sized dog. Oh yeah, and our neighbor parks his monster work trailer in front of the mailbox – every night. Should I be expected to keep my yard perfect and my little trailer indoors at every moment? I don’t think so. But these other ongoing violations should be addressed…somehow.

There are other areas in which the HOA tries to force their will on our community. They raised our rates in the midst of the biggest recession since the 1930’s, citing that landscaping costs were getting too high. How about finding a new landscaper? I know several who would love the work in these tough times, and I bet they’d do it for a lot less than whoever is currently taking you guys out to lunch.

We just received a newsletter that said the board is still “considering the amount of use the volleyball court gets” before deciding to replace a broken pole. They decide if volleyball is a worthwhile activity. By the way, if you are watching the volleyball court to see if it gets used, you probably won’t see anyone. THE POLE IS GONE! Geniuses.

Does this scheme remind you of anything? If you take the letters H-O-A, do some code crunching and rearranging, you end up with “The U.N.” Coincidence? I think not.
The U.N. is the ultimate example of a world HOA gone horribly wrong. Nobody (in the U.S.) really wants to be a part of it, but somehow it is a requirement. The U.N. General Assembly and accompanying committees have received power (perceived as it may be) and they intend to use it.

Do they do good things? Absolutely. They help to distribute food to impoverished nations and give assistance to children and mothers who otherwise wouldn’t have a chance. They also…well, they…what about the…I'm sure they do other nice things. Here are some things they don't (or shouldn't) do:

• World security? That’s handled by the U.S., Great Britain, and a handful of other countries with a backbone.
• Economics? Don’t get me started…but the socialist U.N. tendencies are not the answer.
• Environment? They don’t have any answers beyond what they learned in the translated version of An Inconvenient Truth.
• Social justice? No thanks. I think we can teach our children sex education without your help.
  
  The U.N. is constantly sending harassing notes to the U.S. about our policies. You can’t create so many green house gasses…you need to get rid of your nuclear weapons…blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, China is in the corner covered in carbon soot. As for the nukes, our weapons aren’t pointed at anyone. North Korea and Iran have documented enemies…and Pakistan is a wreck…let’s start by getting them under control.
  
  As for raising our rates, the U.N. is constantly seeking more funding to further its mission. The U.S. now pays 26% of the peacekeeping fund and 22% of the general fund. There are 192 countries in the U.N., and we pay ¼ of the rent. And we’re the bad guys? We already offer the world our military - now we have to pay for everyone else's pet projects. Talk about redistribution of wealth...
  
  In the grand scheme of things, is my neighborhood government/ HOA a huge thing? No, not really. I live next to a guy who parks his ugly trailer in the street and some people whose front yards are FULL of ugly weeds. Annoying, but not the end of the world. I can reasonably expect the HOA to take care of these indiscretions and hold these people accountable, but it's not the end of the world.
  
  This is the serious part: we live in a world with high-polluting Chinese factories, a dictator named Ahmadinejad, and legions of marching soldiers saluting Kim Jong Il. I expect the U.N. to hold them accountable for breaking the rules. They need to stop pushing their social agenda on the United States and start helping us rid the world of the real threats. If we are going to be a part of this group, let’s make sure they do what is right.
  
  And note to the HOA board: I want that volleyball pole back.